New Years

Tonight 2007 ends and '08 begins. While I don't have any specific plans for this year I will say I'm looking forward to it. 2007 has had it's share of ups and downs for me; my family, my job and my health have all been areas that have seen the most extreme fluctuations in the past year. Other than my Dad's health which has been in decline for a while now, the biggest upheaval in my family has been the reemergence of my son back into it. I've been estranged from my son for many years now due a decision I'd made a long time ago. At the time it seemed like the right thing to do but as the years passed, deciding to limit contact with my son was something I'd increasingly regretted. Earlier this year I had finally been able to locate him on the internet (a high point) but when I attempted to reestablish a relationship with him he rejected me (a low point). While I understand his animosity towards me and see that it's a huge uphill battle, I'm hoping that in the upcoming year I can make progress in creating some type of relationship with him. As for my job, well here it was more about image that anything else. Earlier in the year I was filling in as the Squadron 1st Sergeant. As the top enlisted member of the squadron I was able to positively affect the career of many of our folks. This is something that I take personal pride in because I feel that unless you recognize the successes of your folks your not really leading them into success. During the year I deployed for four months and experienced some of the most challenging experiences I could ever imagine, some I did well, and some... not so much. The death of Joey during the deployment was tough but we banded together and pushed through it to get the mission done. While this time was a personal low point for me I think professionally it was more a high point. Although I could have handled things better, I kept focus on my guys making sure they dealt with the loss but also understood the importance of completing their mission. I remember taking pride in the fact that we didn't loose any missions due to this event, I think more than anything it was strong leadership from the entire squadron staff that kept that from happening. The low point of the deployment was the second half. It all started with me getting a little too big for my britches and made a few decisions that upset some of the leadership. When they put me in the "penalty box" it didn't set well with me and I started pushing back; its never a good thing when you try to push around your boss. This was some very poor judgment on my part and the repercussions reinforced my dependency into depression. All of it came to a head when the commander said I was a failure as a SrNCO, citing the fact that since I'd been unsuccessful in getting any of my guys recognized with awards I had failed them. While now I totally disagree with him, his comments hurt and made me re-access my entire career. I've since discovered that while my guys didn't get recognized I did gain their respect and admiration and that my ex-commander was totally oblivious to how his people felt towards me. The year ended on a high point though when I was successful in getting some well deserving individuals recognized and promoted. I also was able to secure some highly sought after assignments for a few of my guys so I may have slipped a little I've proven to myself that I am the SrNCO I should be. Some of the problems I had in the desert stemmed from my increasing health problems. Between my knees surgeries and my back problems I'm now always in a constant level pain. The pain varies greatly in intensity but it's always there. I never really understood how pain could be such a debilitating issue for people but now I have a totally different insight on it. I'm trying very hard not to use pain medication at all since I feel this will only cause other dependency issues I think would be worse so we're trying to use physical therapy to help reduce the pain. It seems to be working but the road is tough and frustrating. Pain can cause depression, moodiness, and laziness; all of these areas I noticed an increase in during the past year so hopefully in the upcoming one I can reverse this trend. As soon as I can get the pain under control things will get a lot easier for me. So as you can see I'm looking forward to the upcoming year but I'm sure t will have it's own challenges.